Waiting Hurts...My Pride
Joyce Meyers is the one who pointed this out to me- that my impatience was pride. Upon thinking about that I agree that it's true. Our pride and self importance tell us that we don't deserve to be kept waiting, that we shouldn't have to keep explaining ourselves, that it's not fair to be put on hold, that we shouldn't have to pass this test again, that we already know what we need to to get to the next step, that we should be giving orders not taking them, etc... How liberating it is to give all that up and not expect anything! Not believe we are entitled to certain treatment or to be at a certain level of "success". Jesus is a great example of patience and humility- which I'm learning go hand in hand- if anyone could have thought they deserved special treatment, He could have. Yet He didn't demand or expect anything from anyone! Instead He stooped to serve people! People who were as dense as...well... sheep in need of a patient Shepherd.
So try to remember when you start tapping your foot and rolling your eyes- impatience is just that ugly little demon we call pride.
Phillipians 2:3 in humility consider others better than yourselves.
(That might include the woman keeping you on hold for 30 minutes at Sprint- ya I'm talking to you Lara)
Glory Exchange:
I know what's good for God isn't what's good for me. For example: chocolate is good for me- I love it and it has antioxidant properties even (thank you Lord!) but if a dog eats it- they may die.
In the same way Glory is good for God- He can handle it, He was made for it, He knows what to do with it, it won't ruin Him or change His beautiful character and personality. However glory is as poisonous to me as chocolate is to Fido.
This led me to think "Lord I'm in the wrong business!". As a musician I can't deny I want my work to be seen by many, loved by many and admired by many. I do it for God but I also then advertise to people. If I'm doing something good, some sort of Glory will be born (because God is the one who allowed the good to take place at all- He is the author of His own Glory). Now if I take this unto myself, I know it will make me sick. It will ruin my art and arouse jealousy in a jealous God. He knows His Glory is not good for me.
So I thought of this exchange: if I do my job well, allow God's inspiration to flow through me, it touches hearts and births "Glory" and then instead of trying to take it I turned it back to God in exchange for a "well done" or a "I love you, thank you for being faithful" well then I've won. My reward comes from God and it is good for me.
See God's love and approval are good for me. His love and affection won't spoil me or hurt me the way stealing His Glory will.
"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father who is in heaven" Matthew 5:16 (Just be sure if any of that Glory gets misplaced on you, you exchange it with Your Heavenly Father's love)
Imagine The Consequence:
I heard this great concept while listening to BOT radio in my car. A pastor was saying the way he's stayed on the straight and narrow and hasn't "fallen" like so many others is he imagines how that would feel. For example he literally goes through the whole scenario of how it would feel to cheat on his wife, have everyone find out, lose his credibility, lose everything he's worked so hard for, hurt all the people he is pastoring, and worst of all face his kids- telling them how he made a mistake and how he wishes he could take it back.
It might sound like negative thinking, but I think this is a great way to avoid falling into something we know is wrong. If we have already explored and felt the consequences in our minds, when the temptation comes we will be able to resist it. Sometimes imagining something negative can be a great help.
We can also imagine our last moments of life and dying. That sounds ridiculously morbid but it actually emboldens me to live and do whatever it is that I believe I should. You and I will die. I never think about it because it's hard to even wrap my mind around it, but it will happen. I'm only a link in a long chain. Am I going to be a strong link or a weak link? ("you are the weakest link!" sorry I had too!) Am I going to pave the way with my dead body or be in the way with the legacy I leave behind? Write your epitaph now. It's called "the perspective principle"- keeps everything you do and everything you are in perspective.
If you are struggling with a temptation take time to really go through the consequence and hopefully instead you will ask The Helper, God's spirit to help you resist it. God never tests us beyond what we can bear- problem is sometimes we don't want to get out of a sticky situation- we are enjoying it too much- but be assured my friend you'll regret it later.
Love Equation:
You love me, I love you- where's the proof? That's what I've been thinking about tonight and today. I stayed in on this Friday night to read, write and just relax... this is something that popped into my head as I was journaling:
My equation for love.
Love isn't a warm feeling, it's not a positive energy or a good thought- those are just symptoms of true love. Love is proof that one is valuable. I used "money" in this equation only because of what it represents- work, sacrifice, trust in the person it's being given to or used on.
Yeshua showed sacrifice and trust when He died to be able to bring us to Himself. Imagine the faith He had in us that His death wouldn't be in vain- that we would respond to His sacrifice with our own. Can you believe He trusted that we would love Him back? Amazing.
The other evidence is Time. If you say you love the people in your small group or your family but you don't want to be with them (or communicate with them if you can't be with them), maybe you don't really love them. I'm saying this to myself.
Romans 12:9 was highlighted to me last night "Don't just pretend to love each other, really love them..."
wow that's really calling us out. All our sweet language, all are positive vibrations, the phrase "love ya!" doesn't really mean we love people at all. Sacrificing for someone and spending time with them is the evidence of love.
post date rethink: Thanks to all the insightful feedback I've gotten on this equation I need to revise it. The point was made that a man's heart is deceitful and we can't even really tell if we love someone truly even if "evidence" is there. We can only be completely submissive and present ourselves as empty vessels for God's love to flow through. That is the only true love. It's mystical and may or may not provide "evidence" of love that we are looking for. The point was made that God so loved us that He sent His only son to DIE. ok, wait- where's the evidence of love for His son there? Yet we know God is love and does indeed love His son. So the revised equation is rather more vague than I first thought
Love= Complete broken submission to whatever God directs (even if it looks opposite of love)
Darn it! Before it was a lot more clear cut- but God is not clear cut and easily defined! He is love and His ways are not ours.
I WANT TO BE A BEST MAN
I don't think I meditate on the jealousy of God enough. One of His names is "Jealous". Wow that's a little scary. Reminds me of this concept I learned from Bob Sorge- it's all about being a friend of the BrideGroom (who is Jesus).
Jesus is in love with His people (called His Bride) in fact I think that's why God created marriage- to illustrate our relationship with Him. Now imagine the Bride is coming toward her groom or preparing for the wedding and some lousy best man tries to flirt with the Bride and steal her affection- even seduce her! That would be absolutely terrible- unbelievable. Yet isn't that what we do sometimes? We are supposed to be like John The Baptist who called Himself a "friend of the Bridegroom" a best man, a go to guy, pushing the Groom front and center, making the wedding day run smoothly.
I'm so sorry for the times I've gotten out in front of the Groom and tried to steal His Brides attention and affection in ways that I've dressed or spoken. Or if I've just been an absent best man, not there to put things in place and usher in the marriage of the Bride to the Groom.
Let's ask ourselves "are we helping or hindering this marriage? Are we hurting the Groom or His Beloved Bride in any way" The last thing I want is to get in the way of the affection our Almighty Groom has for His people.
"Surprised By Joy" as C.S. Lewis would say...
Lately I’ve been having moments of what I think is joy. I’m almost tempted to be afraid something bad is going to happen or I’m going to fall soon because life can’t be this good.
The joy comes when I take a deep breath, and think about how no matter what happens with my music, with my social life, with my family, even with the world I can have complete peace and confidence that God will never leave me or forsake me. For a long time I thought I had faith- but you only really believe what you do- and my actions said that I didn’t really believe that I was here for a reason and no person, power or circumstance could stop that reason. I lived in a semi-victory, which actually isn’t victory at all. It’s even worse than flat-out defeat because you don’t think you’ve lost- you think you’re on your way to winning and you’re not. You can’t half win, in any moment you have “won” or “lost”. Jesus isn’t trying to win right now. He already won. If we are with Him and He is within us then we have won also. If we are losing or lost then we are not having faith that He is within us.
I don’t understand many many things. I desire to learn more, to work more on things I know I should, to be more this that and the other but at the end of the day after I’ve spent or wasted it- I can almost laugh at it all. I’m on a journey and it’s a narrow and hard path but it’s also so laughable because the almighty God is with me.
If I had a message to give people right now it’d be- work hard and then laugh about it because God is with you, He is your reward at the end of the day and funny enough- you in all your complex wonder and weakness are His reward. Breathe deeply today and let the joy of the Lord be your strength and your guide.
SAVING YOURSELF
my cousin posted this picture on facebook last night with this caption
“This is Kevin Cater’s world renowned photo of a young girl on her way to a food bank that was only 3 kilometers away. It is said that Kevin chased away the vulture who was waiting for the girl to die so that she could be eaten. The girl is now resting in peace. Kevin did not help her to her destination. Instead he went and sat under a tree, smoked a cigarette, and cried. But Kevin had seen so many like her. Kevin saw children like her everyday. Kevin did not help her because he probably believed he could not do enough. He blamed himself and took his life 3 months after winning the Pulitzer prize for the image.”
“This is Kevin Cater’s world renowned photo of a young girl on her way to a food bank that was only 3 kilometers away. It is said that Kevin chased away the vulture who was waiting for the girl to die so that she could be eaten. The girl is now resting in peace. Kevin did not help her to her destination. Instead he went and sat under a tree, smoked a cigarette, and cried. But Kevin had seen so many like her. Kevin saw children like her everyday. Kevin did not help her because he probably believed he could not do enough. He blamed himself and took his life 3 months after winning the Pulitzer prize for the image.”
I’ve been thinking about this picture all day- I don’t know what to do with this information. And like most people who are overloaded with something they don’t know what to do with, I try to ignore it. I had a great day- I even went to Nordstrom’s and bought makeup and a chai latte. Went to the gym. Prepared for a concert I’m doing this Saturday. But every few hours I would think of this picture and just wonder.
How am I living such a comfortable life? Why am I? For what reason? I’m almost bitter about having such a cushy existence. Why God did you give me so much, so much that I can’t feel this picture and what it really means- I feel enough to be uncomfortable and sad but enough to know what to do about it.
I’ve struggled with this a lot- as I’m sure all people do. Why am I here, where I am, doing what I’m doing? How is it helping or hurting the rest of the people in this world? I’m not going to sum this up as I so easily could and say “well we each have our own path and if we are giving 30 dollars a month to World Vision we shouldn’t feel so guilty and each persons gifts and talents if used properly are helping humanity” (like my music could be encouraging people and those people can encourage others or if I ever do make a lot of money at this or have any influence- then I can tell people to care). But I don’t want to do that.
I think that’s weak. I want to be a radical. I want to care enough to not go to Nordstrom’s, to not buy $5 dollar coffee, to not only think about how to best use my gifts and talents, I want to get outraged. I want to get so upset that I can’t eat or sleep. I’m so sick of having information overload and being numb. I never wanted to be the kind of person who is ok if their immediate world is ok and destroyed if their immediate world is destroyed. I wanted to care about strangers, I wanted to sacrifice my life for something greater and I fear that I’m not.
So I don’t know how to leave this other than to ask God to help me feel things until I get outraged, physically sick, emotionally disturbed enough to make some real changes and sacrifices. That’s the kind of offering I think God is looking for, that’s the kind of thing that will save me from a life of mediocrity and self serving consumption.
post date re-think: I disagree with what I just said. I don't need to get emotionally disturbed or enraged. That's not going to help me do anything. I need to get calm, get alone and ask God what He wants me to do. Not a good thing, but a God thing. Then God will gently lead me toward it. It's a slow and steady journey not a quick sprint of emotion. God will develop in me the skills I will need, the endurance, the perseverance, reveal more truths, more wisdom and knowledge as I go.
