Beautiful Posture

Beautiful Posture

I’ve been thinking a lot about my stance lately. Not my physical stance, that I do think about (I have known for years that I rarely stand or sit up straight and I hate it), but about the stance that my mind and heart function and operate out of.

I have to ask myself- Does my hearts stance resemble my body’s- taking the path of least resistance? Is my stance one that is graceful or sluggish and non compliant?

My physical posture is completely under my control although most of the time I let it slip and slump- my hearts posture is completely under my control though I let it slip and slump.

I used to be a ballerina or at least I took ballet and was really serious about it. I loved how it trained me to have beautiful upright posture, how to hold myself. I didn’t really even get to the tricky stuff- most of my ballet training was on simply standing or doing the smallest things with the right posture. And by just holding my body correctly I developed such strong muscles.

It’s the same with the training of my heart. I may not be able to do huge works, big elaborate works with the right heart yet. But God is training me just to hold the right heart, learn the right posture. When 1st position is solid I can carry that into the beautiful elaborate turns, jumps, spins and lifts.

That’s what I desire. Like any women I want to be beautiful and graceful not slumpy and clumsy. It’s starts by training my heart to hold that first position. Grateful not entitled. Open not closed. Upright not lazy. Sharp and pointed not dull and lethargic.

The word of God sharpens, but only if I choose to apply it. It all comes down to training and choice. It’s always been about choice. Choose this day the discipline of beautiful posture.

(Even now at this coffee shop where I’m typing it’s so unusual for me to be sitting completely upright- no one else is- it’s hard- and that’s how I know it’s probably right)

Saving Yourself

my cousin posted this picture on facebook last night with this caption
“This is Kevin Cater’s world renowned photo of a young girl 
on her way to a food bank that was only 3 kilometers away.
It is said that Kevin chased away the vulture who was waiting for the girl to die
so that she could be eaten. The girl is now resting in peace. Kevin did not help her to her destination. Instead he went and sat under a tree, smoked a cigarette, and cried.
But Kevin had seen so many like her. Kevin saw children like her everyday.
Kevin did not help her because he probably believed he could not do enough. He blamed himself and took his life 3 months after winning the Pulitzer prize for the image.”

I’ve been thinking about this picture all day- I don’t know what to do with this information. And like most people who are overloaded with something they don’t know what to do with, I try to ignore it. I had a great day- I even went to Nordstrom’s and bought makeup and a chai latte. Went to the gym. Prepared for a concert I’m doing this Saturday. But every few hours I would think of this picture and just wonder.

How am I living such a comfortable life? Why am I? For what reason? I’m almost bitter about having such a cushy existence. Why God did you give me so much, so much that I can’t feel this picture and what it really means- I feel enough to be uncomfortable and sad but enough to know what to do about it.

I’ve struggled with this a lot- as I’m sure all people do. Why am I here, where I am, doing what I’m doing? How is it helping or hurting the rest of the people in this world? I’m not going to sum this up as I so easily could and say “well we each have our own path and if we are giving 30 dollars a month to World Vision we shouldn’t feel so guilty and each persons gifts and talents if used properly are helping humanity” (like my music could be encouraging people and those people can encourage others or if I ever do make a lot of money at this or have any influence- then I can tell people to care). But I don’t want to do that.

I think that’s weak. I want to be a radical. I want to care enough to not go to Nordstrom’s, to not buy $5 dollar coffee, to not only think about how to best use my gifts and talents, I want to get outraged. I want to get so upset that I can’t eat or sleep. I’m so sick of having information overload and being numb. I never wanted to be the kind of person who is ok if their immediate world is ok and destroyed if their immediate world is destroyed. I wanted to care about strangers, I wanted to sacrifice my life for something greater and I fear that I’m not.

So I don’t know how to leave this other than to ask God to help me feel things until I get outraged, physically sick, emotionally disturbed enough to make some real changes and sacrifices. That’s the kind of offering I think God is looking for, that’s the kind of thing that will save me from a life of mediocrity and self serving consumption.

Who Wants To Know?

Who Wants to Know?

I wonder when I’m writing, “who wants to know”? and the conclusion I’ve come to is I don’t know. Maybe someone who’s time happens to align with seeing this post and somehow it means something to them. Maybe it helps them on their journey just as I’ve been helped on my journey by things I’ve read. Speaking of which just to name some of the things I’ve read that have helped me or at least got me thinking…

1. The Bible (of course) specifically Song of Solomon and Revelation. As a favorite teacher of mine said “the Bible is not boring, you’re boring”

2. David Copperfield- why I don’t know, but the imagery in this book captured me. Especially the boat by the sea where the family lives. It makes me want to write my own stories.

3. Joan of Arc by Mark Twain- his best unknown book. I look up to Joan of Arc and this book really does her justice.

4. Any biography. I’m a sucker for country singer’s biographys. One day they live in a shack in Appalachia the next they are in their own tour bus singing at the Grand Ole Opry.

5. Chronicles by Bob Dylan. He’s just the man in every way. Doesn’t follow rules and doesn’t care what you think. I like that. His vocabulary is amazing and in a very non “I’m trying to sound smart” way.

6. Daylight by Joan Baez. In this book you realize why she became a protest singer- through the simple stories and experiences of her sensitive childhood, we see she’s always hated injustice.

7. Jayne Eyre. Everyone loves this book for a reason- it’s great. It’s about a girl who can’t be bought, works hard, does things her way and ends up winning in the end for it.

Ok I went on a slightly different path than I wanted to when I sat down to write. I want to write about my journey in music, life, spirituality. I guess this is the process my mind needs to take first in asking “well who wants to know”.

I’m happy to say this next year is going to be an interesting one and I want to write about it. Interesting in that I seem to have finally gotten a hold of the right way to view music and it’s becoming “playing” again. That’s what they say right? You “play” music. 

There’s also a lot of activities that accompany the music like taking photos, designing packaging, dreaming up music video ideas, meeting with creative people and sharing ideas. Coming up with a plan to get the music out. I find it all challenging but enjoyable. Right now it works for me to be an independent artist because I can make the final call on this, my opinion matters and I get to have a say in how I make the music, how it gets heard, when it gets released. Of course there are drawbacks, but freedom is worth a lot to me.

I’m grateful, thankful, no one owes me anything, my talents or offerings don’t assure me a spot at the table but if I get invited then I will be glad. I don’t think I deserve to win, but I’m playing, I’m in the game and I’m trying my best.

I will share more later.

“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do. ” -Bob Dylan

“Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?” -Ecclesiastes

Conversation For Writers

Conversation For Writers

This year I did something I don’t know if I should be proud of or ashamed of! I guess I’m glad I did it- it was practice….what do you think of this?

I was challenged to write a “timeless” song. Every day for about 3 weeks I wrote and sent a song to a producer (who is extremely legit) to see if I’d met this challenge. Every day he would write back and say “it’s good but not timeless.”

I got desperate! So I had an idea. Ok he wants a timeless song, I will take a timeless phrase and turn it into a song. Think about it. Most hit’s are timeless phrases.

“Don’t Think Twice”

“What’s Going on”

“Let It Be”

“I Want To Hold Your Hand”

“God Only Knows”

etc…

So I googled phrases and viola! picked some that stood out to me and wrote songs around them. They turned out well, I’m not gonna lie. But my heart wasn’t in them. I guess I’ve done it before naturally in writing songs like with the phrases “I See God In You” and “Look Up”. But this time it just wasn’t from my heart. Maybe because these phrases didn’t lend themselves to what I’m feeling in my life at this time even though they may have turned into great songs.

What do you writer’s think about this approach? Some would say this is a great way to get creative juices flowing. It’s not selling out. It’s being a professional, working at a craft not just waiting for inspiration to deliver a song out of the blue. It could be seen as using all the tools available. People do it all the time with the Bible- you find a phrase and elaborate on it. Thoughts???

The War of Art (Resistance)

The War of Art (Resistance)

My good friend Faith and I come to a local coffee shop almost daily. That’s one of the things I love about Nashville. It’s like Seinfeld only not in New York. I see my friends everywhere and there are always coffee shops full of people reading or working on their laptops. Anyway, the other day she brought a book someone gave her called “The War of Art”. I read the first part of it and found it to be talking about what I’ve always felt but was not able to articulate as well as this book does. It’s all about Resistance.

If you are an artist or really any person trying to do something unusual, or expressive or spiritual you will meet Resistance. It’s what makes 99% of artists give up painting, writing, singing, performing. I’m not talking about fear or discouragement, because that stops people too, but those are the symptoms of the greater problem of resistance. I used to call it the devil because I see the world spiritually and also because my art is in direct opposition to his agenda. But I can’t give the devil all the credit for trying to thwart, slow and stop me from doing what I was put on this earth to do.

I was talking to someone today who’s been trying to write a book for the past 8 years, I know a friend who’s been trying to start his business for the past few years, I meet people everyday who are just on the brink of giving birth to their purpose but resistance is keeps them from delivering.

I don’t know what your passion, purpose and expression is but I’m willing to bet you aren’t participating in it nearly as much as you think about starting to participate in it but just never get around to it. Resistance is keeping you from it. And you must learn to face Resistance head on, know how to deal with it and get around it and sometimes just even hold it off with one hand while you work with the other. That is if you ever want to look back on your life and see that you did do that thing you always knew you were meant to do. Don’t let resistance keep you paying bills, cleaning the house, organizing papers, watching tv and playing games on your phone instead of just doing the darn thing you were made to do.