Who Wants To Know?

Who Wants to Know?

I wonder when I’m writing, “who wants to know”? and the conclusion I’ve come to is I don’t know. Maybe someone who’s time happens to align with seeing this post and somehow it means something to them. Maybe it helps them on their journey just as I’ve been helped on my journey by things I’ve read. Speaking of which just to name some of the things I’ve read that have helped me or at least got me thinking…

1. The Bible (of course) specifically Song of Solomon and Revelation. As a favorite teacher of mine said “the Bible is not boring, you’re boring”

2. David Copperfield- why I don’t know, but the imagery in this book captured me. Especially the boat by the sea where the family lives. It makes me want to write my own stories.

3. Joan of Arc by Mark Twain- his best unknown book. I look up to Joan of Arc and this book really does her justice.

4. Any biography. I’m a sucker for country singer’s biographys. One day they live in a shack in Appalachia the next they are in their own tour bus singing at the Grand Ole Opry.

5. Chronicles by Bob Dylan. He’s just the man in every way. Doesn’t follow rules and doesn’t care what you think. I like that. His vocabulary is amazing and in a very non “I’m trying to sound smart” way.

6. Daylight by Joan Baez. In this book you realize why she became a protest singer- through the simple stories and experiences of her sensitive childhood, we see she’s always hated injustice.

7. Jayne Eyre. Everyone loves this book for a reason- it’s great. It’s about a girl who can’t be bought, works hard, does things her way and ends up winning in the end for it.

Ok I went on a slightly different path than I wanted to when I sat down to write. I want to write about my journey in music, life, spirituality. I guess this is the process my mind needs to take first in asking “well who wants to know”.

I’m happy to say this next year is going to be an interesting one and I want to write about it. Interesting in that I seem to have finally gotten a hold of the right way to view music and it’s becoming “playing” again. That’s what they say right? You “play” music. 

There’s also a lot of activities that accompany the music like taking photos, designing packaging, dreaming up music video ideas, meeting with creative people and sharing ideas. Coming up with a plan to get the music out. I find it all challenging but enjoyable. Right now it works for me to be an independent artist because I can make the final call on this, my opinion matters and I get to have a say in how I make the music, how it gets heard, when it gets released. Of course there are drawbacks, but freedom is worth a lot to me.

I’m grateful, thankful, no one owes me anything, my talents or offerings don’t assure me a spot at the table but if I get invited then I will be glad. I don’t think I deserve to win, but I’m playing, I’m in the game and I’m trying my best.

I will share more later.

“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do. ” -Bob Dylan

“Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?” -Ecclesiastes

The War of Art: Resistance

The War of Art (Resistance)

My good friend Faith and I come to a local coffee shop almost daily. That’s one of the things I love about Nashville. It’s like Seinfeld only not in New York. I see my friends everywhere and there are always coffee shops full of people reading or working on their laptops. Anyway, the other day she brought a book someone gave her called “The War of Art”. I read the first part of it and found it to be talking about what I’ve always felt but was not able to articulate as well as this book does. It’s all about Resistance.

If you are an artist or really any person trying to do something unusual, or expressive or spiritual you will meet Resistance. It’s what makes 99% of artists give up painting, writing, singing, performing. I’m not talking about fear or discouragement, because that stops people too, but those are the symptoms of the greater problem of resistance. I used to call it the devil because I see the world spiritually and also because my art is in direct opposition to his agenda. But I can’t give the devil all the credit for trying to thwart, slow and stop me from doing what I was put on this earth to do.

I was talking to someone today who’s been trying to write a book for the past 8 years, I know a friend who’s been trying to start his business for the past few years, I meet people everyday who are just on the brink of giving birth to their purpose but resistance is keeps them from delivering.

I don’t know what your passion, purpose and expression is but I’m willing to bet you aren’t participating in it nearly as much as you think about starting to participate in it but just never get around to it. Resistance is keeping you from it. And you must learn to face Resistance head on, know how to deal with it and get around it and sometimes just even hold it off with one hand while you work with the other. That is if you ever want to look back on your life and see that you did do that thing you always knew you were meant to do. Don’t let resistance keep you paying bills, cleaning the house, organizing papers, watching tv and playing games on your phone instead of just doing the darn thing you were made to do.

MAKING MUSIC

PERSPECTIVE ON MAKING MUSIC:

I'm a channel, a vessel. This is my illustration of what's going on when I'm making music:

It comes from my muse, God, flows through me (imperfectly) to others and hopefully back up to God. The more it gets back to God the more I've done my job. I can tell a personal story of heartache and still be in the use of the Holy Spirit and the Muse. The Bible is all "God Breathed and useful..." and most of it is telling stories. Stories that don't always sound "Christian" or clean. The cross doesn't look clean and "safe for the whole family", yet it was the story God needed to tell. 

When you are making art- be sensitive to the muses around you and what they are trying to push through you- it could be God and His spirit and could be something else. Either you see everything spiritually or nothing, so decide now and make that the base of your art.

MUSIC IS...

Be careful little ears what you hear...

Music is everything.

Everything is Music.

Music: It is ultimately derived from mousa, the Greek word for muse. In ancient Greece, the word mousike was used to mean any of the arts or sciences governed by the Muses...

To me the muses are God, the Holy Spirit and his angels and also Lucifer and his demons.

Music is the weapon of warfare for both sides.

It pierces deeper than any arrow and always hits its mark; the heart.

When someones bob their head to the beat, they are saying "yes" with their head, they are agreeing.

They are signing a contract, committing it to memory, the deal is done, the mood is set

Music can make you or break you and maybe relieve you, maybe redeem you, maybe lift your thoughts to new heights and you're feelings to new depths and widths

But never say "it's just a song", no it becomes part of you

part of the deepest part of you- your heart

Song Story: OVERCOME

OVERCOME

To be completely honest, the months before I wrote this had been extremely hard. I had gone through some big disappointments with music, with a failed relationship, and I was getting very wrapped up in a self pitying and "poor me" mentality. My confidence in everything was badly shaken. My goals, dreams, and desires were in question- I wasn't even sure if it was good to set goals or have dreams because mine were such apparent failures. Sometimes we don't realize that our thought patterns are not what they could or should be, that our routines need a change, that we need a shift or a change of heart and mind. I know I can slip into feeling helpless to my circumstances and give in to a defeated attitude. 

It was during this time I came across Revelation 12:11:

 "And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb 

and the word of their testimony and they loved not their lives until death".... 

I think it was the first time in a long time I had the courage to sit at a piano and try to write something and this verse with a simple melody is what came out. I began to get outside of myself and my circumstances and see the circumstance of us- the human race, through the ages. We, as humans, have all individually and collectively faced dark times, defeat, and hopelessness. Yet, I know how the story ends- that's my divine privilege as a child of God. No, I'm not a collection of random cells, I didn't get here by some big bang. I was created, I was put here. We all were put here on purpose. My life had purpose. The story of this race of humans has a beginning, middle and end- and it's a victorious end. I love the quote "everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end!"

I'm not going to say a light switched on and stayed on. The light did come on but at times it's been stronger and I've been able to see more clearly than at other times. But by declaring those words from the Bible in song "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb, we will overcome every darkness, with our testimony we'll give Him glory until our dying breath and we will overcome" I think something broke loose that day.

A few weeks later I got together with a friend who is extremely beautiful and humble and of course a talented songwriter, her name is Krissy Nordhoff, and she and I wrote the rest of the song. 

Words make worlds. Do you believe it? That's how the Bible says God created the earth. That is how we create our world. I've always loved Bob Dylan and Joan Baez- they were literally reshaping the world with their words from bigotry and hate to understand and acceptance. How did African Americans encourage themselves and unify themselves to stand up and overcome their circumstances in the 50's and 60's? By singing together, speaking it out, declaring, prophesying things like "We shall overcome, we shall overcome, we shall overcome some day. Deep in my heart. I do believe. We shall overcome someday".

You may have just been through hell, but the good news is you're bound for heaven. You will overcome, because I do believe Jesus went through hell too- to be able to bring us back from it when He died for us on the cross. When he rose, we rose. Now by this testimony and by the testimony of what He's done in our lives- we can shake of our defeatist mentality, shake things up and declare that we as a people will overcome the darkness in the end and we each individually will overcome the darkness in our own souls and in our own circumstances.

"Deep in my heart I do believe we shall overcome someday"

Song Story: LOOK EAST

LOOK EAST

This song is a promise song- it talks about how just as surely as the sun rises everyday in the east, so too will Yeshua (Jesus) come back for us. And what's more, the Bible says He will return through the East gate in Jerusalem... (this is a great article I found with more details about that) He is literally the SON rising in the east! A tangible picture to give us proof of an unseen truth.

This song had been simmering somewhere in the depths of me somewhere and came out in a flash. I didn't know what I was going to say before I starting singing, but as I started to play my "go to" chords (Am, F, Dm7- ahhh so nice), this melody and lyrics came out:

"my peace I give to you, not as the world giveth, give I to you"

and the chorus with it's strange C to Cminor came out without really thinking about it (think I learned that trick a long time ago from Joni Mitchell's song "Rainy Night House"- must listen to it).

I wanted to take some creative liberty and imagine that Jesus was speaking this promise to me- reassuring me that He was coming back for me.

In the bridge I respond to this promise by saying Psalm 24:7:

"Open up ye gates! Let the King Come in!!!"

and:

"Baruch Haba B'shem Adonai"

(Blessed is He who comes in the name of The Lord)

I had learned this phrase months before I wrote the song- I read somewhere in Jewish culture, at weddings, they say "Bacuch Haba B'shem" Blessed is he who comes! as the groom is coming down to meet his bride. What a cool symbol of Yeshua coming to meet His Bride- all of us who believe!

After I wrote the song I was really excited, but then because it was so different, I feared no one would like it. I wanted to record it, but thought people might think I was crazy. But I pressed on and produced it with a very middle eastern vibe to match the way I was singing and the picture being set in Jerusalem. 

From the responses so far I guess my fears that people wouldn't understand it were unfounded. It seems to be one of the favorites on "Overcome" (the album that it is on). 

I hope it's message is a promise to you- that He is returning for you, just as sure as the sun rose this morning. Baruch Haba B'shem Adonai!

Song Story: THE RIVER

THE RIVER

I was thinking about a telling the story of a husband and wife who can't relate to each other anymore. The images that came to mind where the frustration between the couple in the movie Revolutionary Road. They both feel like their lives are not what they wanted, he's changed, she's changed, they've both become worse versions of themselves.


Where the phrase "there is a river- fire, water" came from I found out later. But when I first said it I had no idea what it meant- only that I really loved it. That's what people talked about when they say the song wrote itself or it came from somewhere else. I say it came from the Holy spirit. 


The song wasn't finished until just before I recorded it about 8 months after I began it. The story changed from a fictional couple to my own life. I combined the story of this married couple with a real life relationship in my life. My relationship with my long time best friend. The short of it is, we grew apart after many years of hurts and disappointments. We both always wanted to be the closest of friends but couldn't find a way to pick up the pieces after one mistake after another, combined with moving away from each other, combined with growing up and becoming "adults" with careers and boyfriends.


The River became a picture of a healing place for all relationships in my mind- that of married couples, friends, and every other relationships we have. The River is not just any river or a symbol- it's literally the water of life. The River that flows from the throne of God (Revelation 22:1) Jesus called himself the living water and offered this water to the Samaritan woman at the well who had failed relationships. 


The fire in this river is God purging us and our relationships by exposing and revealing, burning away what's unhealthy, the sin that's separating us from Him and hindering our relationships. In Daniel 7 it says ..."and a river of fire was pouring out, flowing from his presence. Millions of angels ministered to him; many millions stood to attend him. Then the court began its session, and the books were opened". This is the wonderful relief of being exposed and able to be healed by God's fiery, loving correction. Wounds can only heal when they are opened and cleaned, this is what God's river of fire can do for our relationships and our hearts if we open them to Him.


Getting swept away in the river is letting go, trusting, surrendering and not needing to know what's coming next . It's being vulnerable. I know in relationships, especially close ones it's the hardest to be vulnerable and honest because we feel the other person sees us in a certain way and we don't know how to change that. I think getting in the river of God is saying I'm going to trust you God to somehow makes things new if I just open my heart and try again. 


I don't know how God does it, but He does. He makes all things new again- that's His business- He restores, reclaims, reuses- he doesn't waste anything. He's the great recycler. Nothing is beyond repair. Salvation and salvage sound pretty similar don't they?


I feel right now as I'm writing this I need to tell you- nothing is beyond being made new. I'm not telling you to stay in an abusive relationship but I am telling you to get vulnerable and swept away in the river of living water flowing from the throne of God. If the relationship is not meant to be made whole again, than at least you can be made whole again. Step into the river of living water, the fiery correction and renewal of His compassionate love and trust that although you don't see how this can end right- it will! 

 “Then He showed me the river whose water give life, sparkling like crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb.”
 -Rev. 22:1

Song Story: BELOVED

Ok where do I start? Many of you know these songs already but if you don't I have sooo much to say.
Basically, my songs are me. They've come from my most intimate struggles with who I am, what I'm doing, what I'm worth, where I've gone wrong and how my life and mistakes have been redeemed again and again by the love of God.

I'm grateful that by being vulnerable and telling the truth, people have been touched. Since the release of my first album "Beloved"- which these songs all came from- I've received literally thousands of emails and messages from people, especially about the song "Beloved".

Well let me tell you, when I wrote it I had no idea that would happen. I was in college, away from home for the first time. It was cold out and I would go to be alone in practice rooms at my college. Night after night I'd play and sing ideas into a little hand held recorder. One night- as if by magic or as if a gift from God came down. I started singing "I'm His Beloved and He's mind- Nothing can separate, no space, no time" The words, chords and the melody simultaneously. If you knew me, and how I so questioned God- you would understand that such a statement was not usual for me to be able to express.

I have no doubt God was delivering a message to me and He's delivered that message through me (and many other believers) only by his mercy. The message I was to sing time and time again, from one side of the country to the other, in churches big and small, in the studio, and alone in my practice room. See, I think God had me write and sing this because He knew I'd have to say it over and over again. Maybe I'd really get it. He loves me.

Since then, I've found it and I've lost it and I've gone forward and I've gone backward but the phrase "I'm His Beloved and He is mine" is now my epitaph. It's my perspective, my true North- it's the knowledge that guides me back to the path to life.

Oh that you would sing it as your own phrase. That's what I wish for you.

I made this video without realizing the significance of the white dress in the video and the romantic feel it would take on. It's of course reminiscent of a bride and a wedding. He is the groom and we are the Bride- we are His and He is ours. Not because we were worthy but because He makes us worthy by association with Himself.

Friend of The Bridegroom

I WANT TO BE A BEST MAN

I don't think I meditate on the jealousy of God enough. One of His names is "Jealous". Wow that's a little scary. Reminds me of this concept I learned from Bob Sorge- it's all about being a friend of the BrideGroom (who is Jesus).

Jesus is in love with His people (called His Bride) in fact I think that's why God created marriage- to illustrate our relationship with Him. Now imagine the Bride is coming toward her groom or preparing for the wedding and some lousy best man tries to flirt with the Bride and steal her affection- even seduce her! That would be absolutely terrible- unbelievable. Yet isn't that what we do sometimes? We are supposed to be like John The Baptist who called Himself a "friend of the Bridegroom" a best man, a go to guy, pushing the Groom front and center, making the wedding day run smoothly. 


I'm so sorry for the times I've gotten out in front of the Groom and tried to steal His Brides attention and affection in ways that I've dressed or spoken. Or if I've just been an absent best man, not there to put things in place and usher in the marriage of the Bride to the Groom. 


Let's ask ourselves "are we helping or hindering this marriage? Are we hurting the Groom or His Beloved Bride in any way" The last thing I want is to get in the way of the affection our Almighty Groom has for His people.

Love Equation

Love Equation:

You love me, I love you- where's the proof? That's what I've been thinking about tonight and today. I stayed in on this Friday night to read, write and just relax... this is something that popped into my head as I was journaling:

My equation for love. 

Love isn't a warm feeling, it's not a positive energy or a good thought- those are just symptoms of true love. Love is proof that one is valuable. I used "money" in this equation only because of what it represents- work, sacrifice, trust in the person it's being given to or used on. 

Yeshua showed sacrifice and trust when He died to be able to bring us to Himself. Imagine the faith He had in us that His death wouldn't be in vain- that we would respond to His sacrifice with our own. Can you believe He trusted that we would love Him back? Amazing. 

The other evidence is Time. If you say you love the people in your small group or your family but you don't want to be with them (or communicate with them if you can't be with them), maybe you don't really love them. I'm saying this to myself.

Romans 12:9 was highlighted to me last night "Don't just pretend to love each other, really love them..."

wow that's really calling us out. All our sweet language, all are positive vibrations, the phrase "love ya!" doesn't really mean we love people at all. Sacrificing for someone and spending time with them is the evidence of love. 

post date rethink: Thanks to all the insightful feedback I've gotten on this equation I need to revise it. The point was made that a man's heart is deceitful and we can't even really tell if we love someone truly even if "evidence" is there. We can only be completely submissive and present ourselves as empty vessels for God's love to flow through. That is the only true love. It's mystical and may or may not provide "evidence" of love that we are looking for. The point was made that God so loved us that He sent His only son to DIE. ok, wait- where's the evidence of love for His son there? Yet we know God is love and does indeed love His son. So the revised equation is rather more vague than I first thought

Love= Complete broken submission to whatever God directs (even if it looks opposite of love) 

Darn it! Before it was a lot more clear cut- but God is not clear cut and easily defined! He is love and His ways are not ours. 

Just Imagine...

Imagine The Consequence:

I heard this great concept while listening to BOT radio in my car. A pastor was saying the way he's stayed on the straight and narrow and hasn't "fallen" like so many others is he imagines how that would feel. For example he literally goes through the whole scenario of how it would feel to cheat on his wife, have everyone find out, lose his credibility, lose everything he's worked so hard for, hurt all the people he is pastoring, and worst of all face his kids- telling them how he made a mistake and how he wishes he could take it back. 

It might sound like negative thinking, but I think this is a great way to avoid falling into something we know is wrong. If we have already explored and felt the consequences in our minds, when the temptation comes we will be able to resist it. Sometimes imagining something negative can be a great help.

We can also imagine our last moments of life and dying. That sounds ridiculously morbid but it actually emboldens me to live and do whatever it is that I believe I should. You and I will die. I never think about it because it's hard to even wrap my mind around it, but it will happen. I'm only a link in a long chain. Am I going to be a strong link or a weak link? ("you are the weakest link!" sorry I had too!) Am I going to pave the way with my dead body or be in the way with the legacy I leave behind? Write your epitaph now. It's called "the perspective principle"- keeps everything you do and everything you are in perspective.

If you are struggling with a temptation take time to really go through the consequence and hopefully instead you will ask The Helper, God's spirit to help you resist it. God never tests us beyond what we can bear- problem is sometimes we don't want to get out of a sticky situation- we are enjoying it too much- but be assured my friend you'll regret it later. 

Glory Exchange

I know what's good for God isn't what's good for me. For example: chocolate is good for me- I love it and it has antioxidant properties even (thank you Lord!) but if a dog eats it- they may die. 

In the same way Glory is good for God- He can handle it, He was made for it, He knows what to do with it, it won't ruin Him or change His beautiful character and personality. However glory is as poisonous to me as chocolate is to Fido.

This led me to think "Lord I'm in the wrong business!". As a musician I can't deny I want my work to be seen by many, loved by many and admired by many. I do it for God but I also then advertise to people. If I'm doing something good, some sort of Glory will be born (because God is the one who allowed the good to take place at all- He is the author of His own Glory). Now if I take this unto myself, I know it will make me sick. It will ruin my art and arouse jealousy in a jealous God. He knows His Glory is not good for me. 

So I thought of this exchange: if I do my job well, allow God's inspiration to flow through me, it touches hearts and births "Glory" and then instead of trying to take it I turned it back to God in exchange for a "well done" or a "I love you, thank you for being faithful" well then I've won. My reward comes from God and it is good for me.

See God's love and approval are good for me. His love and affection won't spoil me or hurt me the way stealing His Glory will. 

"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father who is in heaven" Matthew 5:16 (Just be sure if any of that Glory gets misplaced on you, you exchange it with Your Heavenly Father's love)